just come out here and I will go home with you...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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