i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
