I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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