I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
