This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your penis caused this!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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