he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just tell him i said nine months
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
