hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
