you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize