booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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