you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
