Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
