The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We had to coat check the pizza.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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