remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
