does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
