dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
