I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
