my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Success! We fucked roommates!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
