apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
