well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
