Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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