I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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