I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
