it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
