i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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