ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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