That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
