Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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