K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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