...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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