Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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