Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
