The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
