Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
