There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Semen is not good for contacts.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize