you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
