Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
