The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
