Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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