yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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