A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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