Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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