I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
