Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
