Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize