i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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