I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I won the penis lottery.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
