I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
