my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
