ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
