Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
