Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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