I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
