Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
