does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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