Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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