i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
