K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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