Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
