wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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