I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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