she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize