dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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