i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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