every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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