In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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