Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
