I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
