Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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